Kebebasan?

Keluar pagar pendidikan,

Dapati diri diberi bisikan,
Ingin jadi luarbiasa atau mimikan,
Pilihlah sendiri jangan dipilihkan,

Kesemua tekanan berperanan memaju badan,

Semurah-murah karbon, secantik-cantik bahan,

Melawan inersia, makin ringan makin perlahan,

Amalan manusia, makin alpa makin lembapan,

Apa guna miliki segala kebebasan,

Kalau tiada di dada ilmu perbahasan,

Hanya ada bertubi-tubi bintik alasan,

Itupun kerana ingin bermalasan,

Suatu hari nanti kaukan kelemasan,
Disebalik dinding kaca yang keemasan,
Kepalakau takkan terapung dek kebodohan,
Tetapi akan tenggelam dek kejahilan.

Mana kebebasan yang engkau selalu banggakan?
Kononnya kebebasan yang kau dambakan,
Baru selangkah keluar sudah tersesat jalan,
Mukamu, nasibmu, memang sepadan.

Shatters.

At first you were a boon bringer,
And then you turned a doom dinger,
With all the feeling that lingers,
I can feel ill in my fingers,
Well it is filling me in a,
Way that is making me dimmer,
At first bright light was injected,
I thought my life was perfected,
Until one day I neglected,
The darkness came I elected,
Why was I ever selected,
Only to just be rejected,
Time came I only refuse it,
My bane denies to refute it,
Oh please I don't want to lose it,
I still want to be cruising,
Though in a state of deep losing,
I really need to keep moving,
Cuz my body's getting weaker,
To the point it is brittle,
All it need's just a jiggle,
And I will be in small matters,
And my life purposes shatters,

I thought I was a diamond among the skies,
Immortal among my kin,
But in fact, only a glass in disguise,
Appreciated for my skin.

[Proper Ending] "Help! Help! Help me, please..." and the scream faded away...

Yes, I know, I gave a cliffhanger in the last part. I'll make this story has a proper ending to soothe the confusion.

(If you have not read the 1st part, read it here; Part 1. )

I felt an ache in my head as I fell down on the floor and my vision grew darker. Darker until I no longer see the light in the already shady room. I see nothing. I see only darkness. One would question whether that pitch black that I experienced ever existed. Is this really happening? Or is it just in my head. Either way, I have to go on. I just walked.

I kept walking in the dark void and knowing nothing that lies within the void or whether anything lies within it. I heard my own steps clearly within the enclosed dimension. I was in despair. Where can I go? Will I ever get out of here? I could not think clearly anymore. Was I going insane?

I felt very exhausted but I have to keep on walking even though I do not know to where. As I tread endlessly without a goal a very little dot of light appeared out of nowhere. I felt the obligation to check out where does the light brings me.

As I walk towards the light. The small dot appeared bigger and wider that my surrounding is filled with light. That was when a voice from the dark side. A voice from my dear ones.

"Dad, come over here. We miss you so much," said baby son, Jonas.

"That's right honey. It has been so long since we last met you," said my wife, Joanne.

"I missed you two, but where are both of you?" I replied.

"We know that honey. We are within the dark place here. It's quite comfy over here. Would be a shame if you wouldn't come with us. It's been too long since we have a complete family gathering since your work demands your commitment," my wife continued.

Happy yet confused, I did not know what to do. The dark place seems to be scary and the light will lead to somewhere else. But I knew I had to make a choice no matter how unwilling I am. I miss my family yet to live within complete blindness is something I could not comprehend.

"Sorry honey. Sorry baby boy. I want to venture to the light. I know you have been waiting for so long but I really want to go the light," I said.

"Choose as you wish honey. We know you'll come here again later. I would really love to block you from going because the waiting will be very long. But I can't force you." said Joanne.

Thus nervously, I approached towards the light until it consumed me as a whole. I am now within the void similar as I was before except it was white. I have no knowledge of what was happening. Suddenly, everything turned pitch black.

I heard digital beeps. Beeping as my heart beats. I tried opening my eyes but it hurts terribly. I tediously tried to open my eyes despite the pain. As I opened my eyes, I could only see a white ceiling of a white room. I guessed I was in a hospital as there were wires connecting to me through my veins of my hand. I was approached by a nurse.

"Hey! You're awake! It's been a while," said the nurse.

"Huh? What happened? I can't remember," I mumbled.

"You were in a coma for the past six months," replied the nurse.

"Really? Where are my family? Do you know?" I asked.

"Your family... you went in a coma after you heard the news of their death" the nurse answered with a very low voice.
"I know you have a lot to ask but I have to report to the doctor first," the nurse continued.

Then she left the ward.

I wondered what actually happened to myself. Were what that has happened to me were real? I could never know the real answer. What was the apparition actually? Was that a vision?
There were so many questions stuffed within me that I wished I know all of the answers.

"Please, Mr. U, please have a rest. I know you have a lot of questions but keep it for later," the nurse nudged me.
"I will put into you a medicine to help you rest a bit. Have enough sleep, Mr. U ," the nurse continued.

After awake in the hospital for one week, I was discharged. Yet, no real answer to my mysteries were properly answered. So, I just made some sort of story to help me deal with what I felt in my coma.

After my family died, I lost my willingness to live. I felt like there were no more purpose of living. The apparition was there to represent my pathetic-ness. To represent how I really needed to help myself to stand back on its own and accept the reality, no matter how reluctant I was to accept it.

Even though I never understand totally of what has occured, I certainly understood this;

"The life of the living should never be used for the dead. But the memories of the dead, should live in our hearts. Their memories should be commemorated in everything we do so that they will always live within us," - Mr. U

(end)

"Help! Help! Help me, please..." and the scream faded away...

"Help! Help! Help me, please..." The scream faded away. Those were the last words I heard as I fell unconscious on the floor inside a building. The words were from a shadow apparition spectating me as my vision grew darker. To be honest, this shadow apparition has been haunting me for a long time.

The shadow apparition begun to appear in my life since six months ago when I lost my wife, Joanne and my son, Jonas who was 2 years old when an accident took their lives. My first encounter with this shadow apparition was at my workplace. It just stood near the wall, standing like a painted human silhouette on the wall. It kept spectating at me from a distance, as if curious of what I am doing.

The shadow apparition followed me everywhere at a distance. It followed me to the gym, the park and even at my house. Once I tried to ask the shadow apparition, "What do you want?"
But it kept silent and 'gaze' me in my eyes. At first, I had trouble sleeping because of the shadow's presence but after a few nights, I got used to it.

After a few days being intrigued by the presence of the shadow apparition, I asked my closest colleague, Harris. "I've been wondering... Do you see that shadow shaping like a man at the wall?" I said.
"No... The wall is just perfectly white, as it has always been in this boring workplace," he replied.
"Perhaps it is just me," I mumbled.
"What was that?" Harris asked.
"Naaaah, nothing, maybe it is just a hallucination, I've been taking some strong shots of caffeine recently. Perhaps that's why," I tried to give a logical response.
"Well, whatever it is, I hope it doesn't takes your focus away at our job now," Harris advised.

Perhaps the vision of the shadow apparition was to me and me only. Nobody else knew about the presence of a shadow apparition in the office. I guess I had to live with it.

As weeks passed by, the shadow apparition appears to be closing onto me. What was once a silhouette on the wall now steps closer to my front desk. The aura emitted from it were horrifying as it stares deep into my eyes. I could not focus towards any task given by my boss given due to the presence of a human size shadow in front my desk. After a while, I have gotten used to the 'companion' of this shadow apparition.

After months of tolerance, I lost my temper in my work place as the shadow apparition stood next to me. I stood from my chair and scream at it, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?"

It stood silent, as usual. The whole office stared at me as if I was running amok at thin air. The boss called me regarding my behavior and warns me that if I ever repeat this act again, I will be fired. This haunting was starting to take a toll on me and my career. I felt very uneasy.

Thus, I went to seek every possible answers I could find or seek from. I consulted with my friends, psychologists and even... a witch doctor. Neither of them could understand what is occurring to me. They assumed that it was my imagination all alone.

Well there it was, There was nothing I could do. I just had to live with it. I was thirsty for the real answer. Or least, that was what I thought.
But then the apparition acted differently this one day.

It was during an afternoon. I was working in my workplace as usual on a casual workday with a vision of a shadow apparition in front my desk as always but it was acting strange (as if seeing a shadow apparition is not strange enough) than usual. It gave me a gesture as if it wanted me to follow it somewhere.

I did not hesitate to ask permission from my boss to be given a half-day by lying that I had some inheritance issues with my lawyers. Luckily, my boss fell for it.

So there was me, following this apparition which has been haunting me for months with no known purpose. From my workplace, the apparition led me to an abandoned building within the urban environment. The air felt dry inside there.

As I traced the apparition movements, the shadow apparition appeared to be walking slower than it has been following me as if it was limping. The outlines of the shadow apparition started to form even solid. The outlines formed the shape of a human. The 'human' shadow went deeper in the building where there were less traces of sunlight.

The shadow apparition started to 'colorize' itself. Vivid vision of the apparition wearing a baggy pants and a shirt, akin to mine started to appeared. The outlines of its shadow appears to form in a shape of a man around my age.

The shadow apparition finally ended up in a room. Where 'he' slowly limped towards the middle of the room. 'He' started to lie down on the floor in a fetal position with both of his hands covering his face. Sounds of crying emerged from the close-to-human apparition on the floor. I felt very sad yet eager to know why 'he' was haunting me for so long.

As I approached closer towards the crying apparition, I tried to ask 'him'; "WHO ARE YOU?"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" In a very loud tone. My voice echoed the whole building.

Slowly the apparition opened 'his' hands from 'his' face which were were crying heavily. As he stared at me, I realized that the apparition had my face. I stared at 'myself' as 'I' was crying terribly on the floor. I knew I had to help 'myself'. So I cried for help as loud as my lungs can.
"Help! Help! Help me, please..." and my scream faded away...

(end)


(but if you really want an ending instead of a cliffhanger, go on to this link)
[proper ending; Part 2]

Worst Advice Approach

Advice. We will given in one point of our lives from the smallest matter of hygiene, behavior and fashion to the biggest aspect like life, religion and love. We ourselves might have given a word of advice to others yet.

We all need some sort of reminder to keep us on track towards being a better self. We also desire others to fix on their small details and become brighter in their act but sometimes, there is just something that blocks this simple revolutionary action from triggering its changing chain which is the method of giving the counsel itself.

There are several persons who prefer giving verbal help in the form alike of machine guns, blabbering all they could without even aiming at the details. Some are more precise like a sniper, sniping at the very essentials of another's problematic core for building up their inner selves.

Nevertheless, what I wanna say in this post is some form of wordings that I find we should not use when we utterly start to talk about our greater view on other's dilemma. Use any of these issues, BOOM, our constructive criticisms are denied because it sounds self-centered.

1) Age factor

We definitely know how this jeez go. An older senior comes at our face starts to spits his verse and when we want to give a reply, they will simply respond with a -"I know what I'm saying, you know nothing at all, I am older than you and I know more about life than you so shut up and suck it up"- sort of respond which we can only condone without the feeling of needing to change how we behave.

Age does NOT effect much of our wisdom, our environment does. Grow a kid in a very modest family then compare the kid to another grown up man who is living much of his life in a completely desolated neighborhood. Who has the better credibility to give a verse on attitude? The probably screwed up man? Nope.

Age should never be used as a leverage against another. It is as how an old man who never uses the internet giving a word of false mint to a newer generation who are IT-savvy about how to use the net. Does age helps the old man learn the complexion of the web? Nay, it is the situation of the environment they lived in which forms what they are today.

2) Group factor

Now. this one is a little bit subtle. We rarely use it, feel it or realize it. But when we do, we tend to make a big deal out of it either the giver or the receiver. I know in certain cases, this sort of reasoning is valid such as how an economist and a scientist can only speak regarding their own field of expertise not another.
But that is not the the type of dispute I am marking. I wanna to scope about certain individuals that quarrels toting their degree as a gun to preach even on every field they are oblivious. Stereotyping that their group are capable of doing what other persons in that group are capable of.

As an example, not all parents can claim of knowing how to raise a child. Each couple cannot simply state to another "You should raise your son like we do". Maybe we are experts in our own kids, but we are definitely not on another's.

The same goes when we are giving a piece of our beneficial opinions. We will never be successful if we try to deliver our message towards one another even if we are from the same group or have faced the same situation because every individual receives, reacts and responds uniquely. We might have been in the same turf but we have never been in the same shoes.

3) Simple Conclusion

A reminder is not about us winning the argument, it is about the receiver accepting the message that we are relaying. Tone down our voice, soften down our words and try to see their problems in their own perspective.

A friendly advice is not an advice without friendly words and no one likes a stranger giving mass opinions regarding our concern which only contains the sound of an ego.

Let us reconsider about our methodology of flailing our wisdom around.

Kisah Tiga Kapal

Ingin ku kisahkan kisah yang ku penakan,
Akhirnya dicuba untuk aku nadakan,
Kamu boleh panggil syair atau puisi,
Yang penting kamu dapat satu atau dua isi,

Ini kisah klasik kelasi-kelasi,
Yang hadir dari masyarakat Kelas-C,
Impi hidup sempurna serba-serbi classy,
Input setitik habuk, bukit takkan menjadi,

Pagi-pagi sudah bangun pada hari-hari,
Nakhoda seru kru untuk kemari,
Mari pergi laut, mari cari rezeki,
Utamakan usaha ikan letak ke tepi,

Maka berlayarlah segala kapal nelayan,
Hanya lautan biru yang bakal melayan,
Kisah tiga kapal akan kita ikuti,
Mengikut turutan akanku turuti,

Kapal pertama gemar mencuri kesempatan,
Kru durjana menyeru parang berterbangan,
Menawan kapal luar dan juga tempatan,
Ini bertentangan dengan adat ketenangan,

Hasil pungutan jarah adalah terkaya,
Boleh balik rumah dengan segak bergaya,
Balu dan yatim hanya menangis pasrah,
Tak menahu harta ada hancing darah,

Suatu hari mari Taming Sari menghilang,
Dari muka mereka hilang seri periang,
Darah bertumpahan kapal turut tenggelam,
Dikhabar dalam kelam puaka tuntut dendam,

Jangan sesekali bersikap khianat,
Diberi tugasan jagalah amanat,
Sekali rosak dilaknat riwayat,
Kita semua ada titik noktah penamat,

Kapal kedua taring paling tertua,
Sudah lama lautan biru bersua,
Masih membayang-bayang bayangan masa muda,
Dulu termaju sekarang kosong kuasa kuda,

Muda gagah dan megah,
Air garam meredah,
Hasil pancingan tinggi dan kekal meninggi,
Dibuat pekasam mengguna 7 asam,

Tiba kapal kuda kuasa seribu putar,
Aras keuntungan jatuh begitu gusar,
Penggelapan zaman keemasan, makin pudar,
Pekerjaan lambat sikit gaji diputar,

Dalam apa-apa pekerjaan,
Teknologi kerja mesti ikut keadaan,
Nak kerja sesuai peralatan,
Kalau tak mampu jumpalah penamatan,

Kapal ketiga, kecil tapi beria-ria,
Dipimpin oleh pimpinan belia,
Kalau terjumpa jalan takkan disia-sia,
Kesihatan kapal sentiasa diselia,

Kru sudah tolak kapal menunggu air pasang,
Orang-orang biasa semangat sasa badang,
Lantang tak sesekali mengalah pantang,
Pandang ke semangat yang mereka dendang,

Hasil hanya seberapa,
Boleh kata beberapa,
Masih untung tak sesekali papa kedana,
Menuju jaya menabung ke arah dana,

Tidak kisah kecil atau besar langkahnya,
Yang dikagumi semangat dalamnya,
Tidak dipersoal alatan megahnya,
Yang dikagumi semangat azamnya,

Itu sahaja kisah pada hari ini,
Membunuh kawan akan membunuh diri,
Mestilah ikut cara hidup terkini,
Semangat mantap pasti kan berdiri,

Jangan rendah diri kerna diri punya bopeng,
Keluarkan segalanya bahkan dari loteng,
Jangan nyorok diri di sebalik hangat topeng,
Tunjuk kuasa anda bunyikan segala loceng,

Seperti Rancho telah kata dalam "Tiga Bodoh" (Three Idiots),
Kejar kecemerlangan, berjaya semberono,
Pergi balik pulau pasti ada tombolo,
Tapi adat cara mestilah senonoh.

The Torrents of Existence

Life sends torrents after me,
Life commends; better me,
This isn't blasphemy,
It shouldn't ever be,

They keep on saying "no pain no gain",
That's why they love it if all men go train,
Disciplined by the arcane of cane,
Disciple of the fabled old fame,

Aiming for the best,
Training over mass,
Of course being better than the rest,
Off-course; seeing further than the mess,

In life, it's necessary to be a sniper,
A long range mercenary toting a rifle,
Shooting further subduing all of our rivals,
Looting as we're moving through our short life's aisle.

Depression

Questioning the reasoning,
Behind why I'm deafening,
Haih, it's an irrigation,
Of an irritation,

I'll keep on wondering,
Resultless in pondering,
Is it cuz I'm an underling,
That I deserve a sundering?

No need to respond,
I'm already desponded,
If you ever re-spawn,
I'll make sure you're pounded,

I feel insecure,
Is there really a cure?
I wanna secure myself right between the doors,
The clock goes tick-a-tock,
The time flows absurdly slow,
When will this stop?
How will I ever know,

In the end I guess,
Call me the exiled night-elf,
I'm here at the scene particulously all by myself,
They wont look at me but toting tattered eyes halved,

I am not throttled,
I'm just in place just like a bottle,
My pose is gonna topple,
To the darkest portal.